![]() The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving. Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam! Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud! Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo! If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug. He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand. (yeah, my great, great grandfather used to say that one when he was a boy). She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone! He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt. Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes! She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard. Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier. That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob. ![]() She needs some fries to go with that shake. He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in! He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack. #Horae shit and apple butter dessert fullOur preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.Įach one of his sermons is better than the next! Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch? You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge. You could start an argument in an empty house. That was faster than green grass through a goose. He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!Įxcuses are like backsides. ![]() He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.ĭon’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’! She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home. He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest! If you don’t stop I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. I’m finer than frog hair split four ways. You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog. That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe! #Horae shit and apple butter dessert freeFeel free to send in any favorites I missed. My grandmother used many of these old expressions even back when I was over the hill picking watermelons (before I was born). But many of us have fond memories of hearing many of these funny sayings and expressions back when we were knee high to a bull frog. ![]() Many of these colloquialisms are fading away, as they aren’t often continued by younger generations. These are actual expressions, primarily from the Southern United States. ![]()
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